In a blink of an eye, 7 years had passed since I moved to Canada. I still feel like a new immigrant, still not used to the lifestyle. It seems as if not thing had changed, but my heart is no longer as anxious as it was 7 years ago – no longer entangled and bothered by anger and other negative emotions. I had slowly learned to be thankful and content with what God had given, and experience true and joy in my heart. I know that this change stemmed from the journey to a new life 4 years ago.
In 2013, my whole family immigrated to Toronto, after the feeling of novelty passed, I started to realize that there are many places that I am not used to: long winters, thick layers of snow that needs to be shovelled through in order to drive. Due to the time difference, I often have to receive calls in the middle of the night; life became busy from morning till night without rest. My temper got worst, and I often feel anxious and irritable.
In the year 2014, I had a chance to get to know a sister. She said to me, “You are a good person, you should come to our church to see.” At that time I thought in my heart that I truly am a good person, so I should go and see. The first time in church I could accept the sermon contents, but I could not get used to the prayer after the sermon. However, due to the zealous invite of the sister, the peacefulness of the preacher, and the joy in my heart when I arrive home after church, I started to wonder if the joy I experienced is from going to church. I decided to go to church to see again. The second time going to church, the sister encouraged me to prayer in the front for the Holy Spirit. When I knelt there, I felt the time passed really slowly, my knees hurt, and I had no idea what I am praying about. Nevertheless, looking at others praying intently and with different sounds, I started to wonder, “What is the Holy Spirit? Is Holy Spirit existent?” I wanted to find the answer. After some time, the sister asked if I wanted to get baptized, I kindly refused. At that time, I wanted to understand the Bible first before getting baptized. During my business trip, I quickly read the Bible once; as I am reading the Bible, I felt more and more confused, and I couldn’t remember anything. I didn’t understand what this book was talking about, and questioned if this is the Bible that is the No.1 selling book in the world, and the one that affected millions of lives. If so, why is it that I don’t understand it? I determined to return home and listen to the sermon quietly. However, the attitude I had when listening to the sermon was “I am a good person”, when I heard “all men are sinners” from the sermon, I could not accept it.
When I heard about the events of Esau and Jacob, I did not understand why God chose Jacob instead of Esau, was Esau not more obedient? Was Jacob not deceitful? I also thought that I am of Chinese decent, will God choose me? All these questions clouded my mind. While I listened to the sermon, I always had doubt in my mind. Nonetheless, every time I went home from Saturday service, I always had joy and peace abiding with me. Therefore, coming to Saturday services became my source of joy. In the beginning, I was encouraged by the sister, then slowly I became attracted to going to church. Originally, I was busy to the point that sleep is a luxury, going to church on Saturday is out of the question, however, when I went to church, it didn’t seem to hinder anything. I became contradicting – I am attracted to going to church, but I also doubted the gospel being preached. I really want to pray for the Holy Spirit, but I also am not prepared to accept the Holy Spirit. This contradiction lasted for a year and a half, until a certain family service. When we were about to pray at the family service, a brother came before me and spoke to me softly, “I just want to tell you a word – obedience.” When I heard this word, my heart was moved, I thought of obedience when I knelt down to pray. When I knelt down, I started to cry and I couldn’t control my tears and emotions. I quickly opened my eyes to allow myself to calm down. On the way home from service, miraculously, I felt the fire in my heart was put out; I was calm and peaceful for the next two weeks – it is something that I could not understand. Afterwards, I realized that it was because I obeyed, God opened the door to me. The sermons became easier to understand, and many of my questions were answered. I slowly realized that the Bible is a lifelong learning.
My original thought was to understand the Bible completely and then be baptized, however, God’s words is a lifelong lesson – He will teach me all my days. On May 8th, 2016, I was baptized into Christ, and I started my journey of faith. I thank God for guiding and taking care of me through the 4 years. I truly experienced what is mentioned in John 6:37, “All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out.” When we seek the Lord with a heart of obedience, God will open the door to us.
Thank God for His choosing! May all the glory be onto the Father in heaven!
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